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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27086284">To Have And To Hold</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmSorry__sendmeaprompt/pseuds/IAmSorry__sendmeaprompt'>IAmSorry__sendmeaprompt</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon is Horribly Mangled, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced miscarriage, It's For a Case, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Character Death, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Castiel/Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Selkies, THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED, The Author Regrets Nothing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-09 02:35:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,709</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27086284</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmSorry__sendmeaprompt/pseuds/IAmSorry__sendmeaprompt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Yeppp Cas and Dean are pining away after each other and stubbornly doing nothing</p><p>Sam decides to take matters into his own hands, and sends them on a case together, investigating a couple's retreat</p><p>Disclaimer: not my characters, nor my show, I own nothing</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>128</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>281</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilith_wnchstr/gifts">lilith_wnchstr</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is for the amazing lilith_wnchstr, who wanted Destiel fake/pretend relationship!</p><p>I do not know where I am going with this but I hope it's okay</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
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<p></p><div><p>Dean was enjoying a perfectly good, very greasy breakfast biscuit. Sam, being the geek that he was, was sitting across from him at the little table in their motel room, studiously scrutinizing his laptop. “Sam. We just finished a job yesterday, give it a rest.”</p><p>“Can’t,” Sam said absentmindedly, “Jody wants me to come down and take a look at some weird cases she’s having.” He shook his hair out of his face and absentmindedly sipped at his coffee. “But there’s something else going on up in Montana.”</p><p>Well. Dean would definitely go for some cooler weather farther north for a few weeks. He could call on Cas and hope his feathery friend would be willing to partner up on the Montana thing.</p><p>Then he made the mistake of saying so to Sam without letting his brother give him all the details of the hunt first. Sam had nodded and agreed to make the necessary arrangements, and Dean had gone back to munching on his breakfast.</p><p>Then, that afternoon, Sam came back from the local library with a packet of information for Dean, which he tossed at his lounging brother before shedding his jacket and sitting down with a sigh.</p><p>Dean squinted at the sheaf of paper he was holding. “Sam, this is admission papers for a couple’s retreat.”</p><p>Sam nodded sagely, hoping he’d be able to contain his laughter at the explosion that was sure to come. “I’ve already texted Cas and let him know that he’s partnering-“ Sam snorted in laughter at his unintentional pun, and Dean threw a paperclip at him- “with you on this one while I help Jody.”</p><p>Dean flipped to the next page. “Sam, this is identification for Dean and Castiel Emerson.”</p><p>“Yep!” Sam was definitely reveling in his brother’s discomfort. Dean has used him as bait for a siren a few weeks back, he could stand to pretend to date an angel for a few days. Besides, Sam saw the way those two looked at each other. This would be good for them.</p><p>Dean, meanwhile, was having thoughts much more troubled than his brother realized. He didn’t know if he’d be able to act like he was... married... to Cas. Cas was amazing, and powerful, and a total badass angel of the Lord, and okay, maybe Dean’s stomach tied itself into funny, fluttery knots whenever the angel was around, but that didn’t mean anything. Dean wasn’t a teenage girl with a crush; he didn’t get <em>butterflies</em>.</p><p>The very notion. Hmph.</p><p>But, on the off chance that there were butterflies, and they meant something, and the fact that Dean was mesmerized by the smallest things Cas said or did also meant something, there was another, much larger problem.</p><p>A twofold problem, actually. Number one: Dean Winchester did not do relationships. He hadn’t done relationships since they’d moved away from Rhonda Hurley. Dean did hookups and, well. Cas deserved better than a hookup. Cas deserved someone who would cuddle him to sleep, and bring him coffee in the mornings, and chat with him about beehives or ancient texts or whatever random fact caught his attention...</p><p>Dean forcibly yanked his train of thought back on track. <em>No</em>, he thought directly at it. <em>Bad thought. Behave.</em></p><p>The second problem with the whole Cas Issue was that, while Cas was an angel and therefore not really confined to the whole human gender binary thing, his vessel was very much male. And Dean was not gay.</p><p>He wasn’t.</p><p>He really, absolutely, totally was not.</p><p>It had nothing to do with the fact that John had screamed himself hoarse when he’d caught Dean in a supply closet at their hotel of the week with the manager’s son when he was fifteen.</p><p>Absolutely nothing. Nope. There wasn’t anything wrong with being gay, Dean reasoned, he just wasn’t. He liked boobs, and vaginas, and all that other stuff girls had.</p><p>Cas wasn’t a girl, his traitorous brain whispered, and you still dream about him.</p><p>Then he was brought suddenly and violently back to Earth by Sam, who was merrily going on about the alibi that had been carefully constructed for them, courtesy of long hours spent at the library doing vaguely illegal things with his computer.</p><p>“The psychologist on staff seems like the most suspicious,” Sam was saying, “So I signed you up for marriage counseling.”</p><p>Hold up. What?</p></div><div><p>Dean was gonna have to sit there with Cas, in front of a possibly murderous psychologist, and talk about his feelings? With Cas? His feelings towards Cas? Oh, this was so not going to go well.</p><p>Still musing on all the ways he was probably going to irreversibly screw up his friendship with his angel, Dean stomped out of the room, angrily declaring that he was going to go get some ice.</p><p>Sam, mostly oblivious to his brother’s inner turmoil, secretly hoped that the counselor would be able to do something about all the unresolved sexual tension filling every room Dean and Castiel ended up in together. Then he called Jody to discuss what looked like a werewolf problem.</p><p>Outside the room, Dean glared at the ice machine, muttering darkly under his breath and flexing his fingers in a way that suggested Sam should be wary of ambushes for the next few days.</p>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is shameless, self-indulgent fluff</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i promise eventually the story will pick up but I'm in an angst mood and trying very hard to not let that seep into this</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Two days later saw Dean and Cas standing by Honeymoon Haven’s winding gravel drive, each clutching a duffel bag. Sam, securely buckled into the front seat of the Impala, waved cheerfully, admonished them to stay in touch, and motored off for Jody and the South Dakotan (potential) werewolf.<br/><br/>Dean shifted awkwardly, the early October sun beating down on his shoulders. He shifted his duffel bag from hand to hand, and scuffed at the gravel with one worn boot.<br/><br/>Cas stood almost unnaturally still, his eyes lazily tracking a circling hawk. Or buzzard. Whatever.<br/><br/>Dean chuckled awkwardly. “Sure hope Sam doesn’t hurt my Baby. I’d hate to hafta kill him.” Cas turned luminous blue eyes on him, and remained silent.<br/><br/>Dean shifted his stance, feeling weirdly naked under the scrutiny.<br/><br/>“You are nervous,” Cas said, and oh. Okay. Great. Now the dude could sense emotions. Boy howdy is he gonna get a shock someday, Dean thought wryly. Wait ‘till he pops into my head at the wrong moment and catches me thinking about tousling his hair or some shit.<br/><br/>Then he realized Cas was still staring at him. What question was Dean supposed to be answering?<br/><br/>“Right. Uh, yeah, well. We don’t know what we’re hunting and Sam ain’t here for backup. That’ll make any hunter jittery.”<br/><br/>Cas nodded once, a solemn, slow motion that mesmerized Dean probably more than it should have. “Dean, we should probably begin walking.” He jerked his head at the cluster of rustic, green and brown buildings that sat nestled at the end of the drive.<br/><br/>Mechanically, Dean shifted his duffel around again and fell in step alongside his angel. Oh, he was so screwed.<br/><br/>They arrived in front of a small cabin bearing an unjustifiably exuberant sign reading ‘Welcome to Honeymoon Haven, where Love is Life! Registration Enter Here!’<br/><br/>“I suppose we need to get checked in,” Cas observed. “Do you have the necessary paperwork?”<br/><br/>Dean cleared his throat, which was unreasonably dry. “Yeah. Yeah, I got it. Let’s go.” And he strode forward and pulled open the door.<br/><br/>Then, for some reason, he found himself holding the door for Cas. He personally blamed it on the obnoxious, tinkling little bell that had sounded when he opened it in the first place.<br/><br/>Weird, adorable noises were bound to scramble his brain and make him hold doors for weird, adorable angels. The damn bell was probably cursed, anyway.<br/><br/>Dean shook himself out of his considerations and went to join Cas at the large wooden desk that dominated the room. He handed over the sheaf of papers to his husband, and started aimlessly looking around.<br/><br/>There was a large window holding several glass trinkets, and a bookshelf filled with various dusty-looking tomes. There were two wooden chairs, and a shelf full of old pamphlets and brochures. In short, it looked like a stereotypical retreat.<br/><br/>“Mr. Emerson?” Dean turned toward the man behind the desk. “Mr. Emerson, if you could just sign here... and here... and here, you’ll be done and I’ll get you checked in.”<br/><br/>Dean, still coming to terms with the whole ‘Mr. Emerson’ thing, did as he was told. Halfway through, Cas’ hand landed on the small of his back in a gentle, but undeniably possessive gesture, and he almost jumped through the roof.<br/><br/>He turned a shocked glare toward Cas, who merely stared back at him placidly. Dean swore under his breath and accepted the key to their cabin from the receptionist.<br/><br/>“Here’s your key, here’s your schedule, and thanks for choosing Honeymoon Haven! If you have any questions, just call down here, my name is Brendan, and I’d be happy to assist you.”<br/><br/>Dean grunted and snatched Cas’ hand, towing his unresisting companion out of the room. “Okay,” he said, when they were back outside, “We’re in cabin four.”<br/><br/>Wordlessly, Cas took off toward what Dean assumed was cabin four.<br/><br/>The key worked, so it probably was. In fact, it was a nice little cabin, and Dean felt his spirits improving considerably. There was a little armchair, and a kitchenette, and a small table that they could spread their work out on.<br/><br/>Then he walked fully through the door, and oh. He probably, all things considered, should have known this was coming. It was, after all, a couple’s retreat. But that meant that until they caught the whatever-it-was, Dean was either gonna be sleeping on the floor, or in the one bed with Cas.<br/><br/>Sometimes Dean wondered why he didn’t just retire and become a mechanic. Mechanics never had to sleep platonically in beds with their male best friends who they really liked and were pretending to be married to while trying to catch a mythical creature. At least, he didn’t think they did.<br/><br/>Cas set his bag down, and pulled out the schedule Brendan from the front desk had given them. “We have a tour in half an hour.” he informed Dean.<br/><br/>Dean nodded, still not moving from his very comfortable place in their doorway.<br/><br/>Cas followed his line of sight, which was still fixated on their bed. “Ah. Dean, I understand if you are uncomfortable with the proximity that would require. I am happy to let you take the bed. After all, I do not need sleep.”<br/><br/>Huh. There was something wrong with that statement. “You don’t need sleep, but you like it. You like sleeping, it refreshes you.” Cas was looking at him a little bit strangely. Dean wondered if the floor could be compelled to open up underneath him.<br/><br/>“I told you that once, months ago.” Cas’ forehead furrowed. “You’ve remembered it?” His gaze was soft as he looked at Dean.<br/><br/>Like he couldn’t fathom someone caring enough about him to remember stuff when he’s willing to share it. Cas’ surprise and happiness at the small show of friendship was like a knife straight to Dean’s heart. Cas deserved to be shown that he was worthy of care, and love, and people being decent enough to just remember stuff about him when he told them.<br/><br/>Of course, he didn’t say any of that. He said, “Yeah, well. S’what friends do. We can, uh, share.” It’ll be fine, he told himself. Totally fine. “Now let’s head for that tour. They’re meeting down by the lake?”<br/><br/>Cas nodded and moved to spread out all the information they had about the hunt over their little table. “The tour, then dinner is in the dining hall. Then shall we return to go over some of this?”<br/><br/>Yeah, sounded like a plan. Then Cas continued, “We should probably agree on some mannerisms to indulge in while around other people. We do want them to believe we are married.”<br/><br/>Dean sat down in the armchair. “Right. Can I put my arm around you and stuff?”<br/><br/>“You may touch me any way you wish, Dean. You know I enjoy being close to you.”<br/><br/>Dean felt a flush rise in his cheeks. “Cas, man, you can’t say stuff like that!”<br/><br/>Cas tilted his head in confusion, then appeared to dismiss the admonishment. “I believe we should also agree on, what do you call them? Pet names. What may I call you?”<br/><br/>Pet names, in that deep, whiskey-smooth voice? For days on end? Dean was gonna <em>die</em> of heart failure. “Uh, whatever you wanna, I guess.”<br/><br/>He was regretting those words when they were chatting to a middle-aged woman named Jenny down by the lake, waiting for the tour to start, when Cas said sincerely “We just needed a chance to escape everyday life and rediscover each other.” Then he’d wrapped an arm around Dean’s waist, tugging him closer, and continued with “Isn’t that right, Darling?”<br/><br/>Dean blushed, and squeaked, and stammered out “Sure is, angel,” and watched Cas smile softly at him. <br/><br/>“Well, I declare, y’all are just the cutest!” Jenny said. “I’m here with my David, he’s over there putting on bug spray.” She pointed at a sunburnt man in board shorts, who seemed to be engrossed in a vehement argument with a spray bottle.<br/><br/>Dean hummed noncommittally, and was saved from having to respond to that by the arrival of Dmitri. Dmitri introduced himself as “Chef, yoga instructor, and tour guide, so if you’ll follow me we’re going to head this way!”<br/><br/>Leaving Jenny to wait for David, Dean and Cas walked down the gravel path Dmitri was leading them on, surrounded by three other couples.<br/><br/>Dmitri was talking about the tennis courts, but Dean couldn’t really be expected to focus. Cas had seen the two women in front of them holding hands, and had apparently decided that that was something he and Dean needed to do.<br/><br/>Dean knew, logically, that it was just to sell the whole ‘married couple’ image, but that didn’t stop his heart from pounding. Cas’ hand was warm in his, his grip firm, and Dean could feel calluses on his palm.<br/><br/>Dean caught himself before he could wonder what those strong, gentle hands would feel like going elsewhere.<br/><br/>Dmitri was now chatting about the lake, and the hiking trail that went around it, and how they’d used to have three trails but only one was open now.<br/><br/>Dean filed that information away for later use, and so the tour went on until they’d made it all the way around the area and were heading to the dining hall.<br/><br/>“Man, I am starving,” he said, letting himself lean a little bit into Cas. So what? Cas was comfy, and radiating heat, and it was getting dark so Dean liked the heat, and besides, it was gonna help their cover.<br/><br/>At least, that’s what he told himself. Truth was, Dean just liked Cas.<br/><br/>Supper was uneventful, as they ended up at a table with Jenny and David. They’d eaten their lasagna quietly, but Dean hadn’t been able to stifle a squeak of surprise and glee when peach pie appeared for dessert.<br/><br/>Cas, smiling indulgently, had passed Dean his slice as well. Jenny had told them once again how adorable they were, and they’d adjourned to their cabin to go over their information about the case.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>They’re a bit OOC here, because they actually TALK to each other</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry this took so long! Life happened</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Okay,” Dean said, after carefully scrutinizing the sheaf of information Sam had so thoughtfully provided them with before he dumped them at a couples retreat to play house. “So it looks like four people have gone missing here over the last two months.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cas, who was sitting in the armchair with his feet tucked neatly underneath himself, nodded. “Here’s something. Each of them was one-half of a couple that came for a retreat. Each couple had been experiencing marital problems before their attendance.” Cas’ brow furrowed. “Why would someone cheat on a person they proclaimed to love?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dean really didn’t have an answer to that, so he focused on the first part of the statement. “So, what’re we thinking? Ghost of a jilted lover out for revenge?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cas looked up from his research and seemed about to say something, maybe another philosophical musing that would leave Dean’s head spinning, when their little bubble of peace and quiet was shattered by the faint sound of yelling. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dean, cursing himself for letting his guard down, jumped to his feet, his hand automatically going to his gun. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cas rose in a much more sedate manner. A look of intense concentration crossed his face, then “I believe our next-door neighbors are having an argument.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dean, having already figured that out, made an appreciative humming noise in the general direction of the angel, and headed off to take a shower. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He really couldn’t be expected to handle this, he thought calmly, as he stripped and adjusted the water temperature. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cas was like a brother to him, he sternly told himself as he lathered up his hair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You can deal with this, it’s just sharing a bed and pretending to be married to your crush who is also an angel of the Lord, he insisted to his brain fruitlessly, as he quickly soaped up the rest of his body. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You are not gay, he thought, drying off and pulling on his sweatpants and Metallica t-shirt. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then he walked out of the bathroom, and was forced to amend that statement. He might just be a little bit gay. Cas was sitting on their bed, shirtless and wearing the marijuana-patterned pajama pants Sam had gotten him as a joke once. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Dean’s brain wasn’t really registering the weed pants, though. He was more focused on Cas, and his skin, and </span> <em> <span class="s2">shoulders</span></em><span class="s1">, and </span> <em> <span class="s2">bed</span></em><span class="s1">. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Belatedly, he remembered to finish walking out of the bathroom. “Hey, Cas. Bathroom’s empty.” he announced as he crossed to his duffel and stored away his clothes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cas made a little sound of acknowledgement in his throat. Dean could feel his eyes on him as he shuffled through their supplies to pull out everything they’d need to banish the vengeful spirit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then, trying to be as casual as he possibly could about it, he slipped into bed next to Cas. He turned on his side away from the angel, hand under the pillow gripping his weapon like always, and tried to get to sleep. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">On the other side of the bed, the lamp clicked off and the mattress dipped as Cas crawled underneath the covers. The angel fell asleep almost right away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dean wasn’t so lucky. After almost three hours of lying in the dark with every muscle tensed, listening to the slow, steady breathing beside him, and having a quietly internalized gay crisis, Dean dropped into a fitful sleep. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">***</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dean woke up the next morning with a pounding headache accompanied by the gummy sort of feeling in his brain that he generally associated with a bad night’s sleep. He smacked his lips a couple of times, unreasonably angry at the dryness of his mouth. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then he froze. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was warmer than he should’ve been. He was also not in the position he’d fallen asleep in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Blearily, he cracked open one eye.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then he slammed it shut again as he saw his angel’s face very close to his own. Against his will, both his eyes opened again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cas was lying peacefully on his back, one arm wrapped around Dean. Dean, who had his head lying on Cas’ chest, and one leg thrown over the angel’s body. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So Dean turned into a cuddly octopus when he was in bed with Cas. Great. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe he was just cold during the night, and gravitated toward the nearest heat source. Yeah, that sounded reasonable. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Huffing sourly, he extricated himself from his predicament and slunk over to the cabin’s coffee maker. He fiddled with it until it seemed to be brewing him a nice cup, then he turned to face the room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Bright blue eyes stared contentedly at him from the bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Fuck. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cas got up and dressed, with Dean communicating mainly in grunts. To his eternal shame, his ears actually turned red when he looked directly at Cas. God, he was such a chick!</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They made their way to the dining hall for breakfast, where Dean took gratuitous advantage of the sheer amount of bacon available for consumption, and Cas nibbled delicately at a piece of honey toast. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dean repeatedly got distracted by said nibbling, especially when Cas got a drop of honey on his lower lip and had to lick it off. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dean really wanted to lean forward and kiss Cas. Shaking his head at himself, he stuffed another piece of bacon in his mouth. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The two women they’d seen holding hands on the tour sat down at their table, already talking cheerfully and looking way too awake. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hi, boys! I’m Chelsea and this is my wife Marie!” The taller, blonde one said. She plopped her tray down on the table and took a hearty drink of orange juice. Marie, next to her, slipped into a seat and sighed in relief as she brought her coffee mug to her lips. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Around his mouthful of bacon, Dean managed a muffled greeting that maybe sounded like Hello in some language he didn’t know about yet. Cas put his toast down and greeted them properly, giving them the decided upon backstory. “This is my husband Dean, and I am Castiel. We’re here just to get some time for ourselves and rediscover our lives.” Then he threw Dean the sappiest look he had ever seen directed at himself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Marie made a noise that sounded an awful lot like ‘awww’ around her coffee cup. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dean swallowed his bacon, finally, and decided that two could play at that game. “I’m just so grateful I get to be here with my angel, showing him how much I need him in my life.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Well. That hadn’t been exactly what he’d intended to say. It was a lot truer than he liked. Sunk deep into consideration, he startled when Cas put a hand on his shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s all right, Dean. We’re going swimming with Marie and Chelsea now, so let’s go get changed.” And Cas was walking out of the dining hall. Dean hurried to follow, reflecting on the fact that Cas was the only entity he would even consider walking away from a plate of bacon for. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If that wasn’t love, Dean didn’t know what was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Platonic love, he hurriedly reassured himself. Not like I’m in love with the guy or anything. Just platonic.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then he caught himself staring at Cas as he changed into swimming trunks, and had to reassess. Fucking hell. Maybe he was a little bit gay. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The swimming was mostly uneventful. Marie kept swearing she saw ripples and something moving deeper out in the water, but nobody else noticed it, so they discounted the idea. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Dean was surreptitiously keeping a lookout for any signs of a malicious spirit when Chelsea and Cas teamed up on him in an epic splash fight. That woman was corrupting his Cas, he thought wildly as he was drenched in a deluge of water, then he wondered when on earth the angel had become </span> <span class="s2">his</span> <span class="s1"> Cas. </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then he stopped thinking, and set about thoroughly splashing everyone until Cas reminded him it was time for their first couple’s therapy session. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Marie and Chelsea waved as they hurried back to their cabin, toweling off as they walked. Once inside, they changed quickly and made a beeline for the building the therapist was in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were only three and a half minutes late, which Dean counted as a victory. Turns out they needn’t have worried, though, because it was ten more minutes before a short woman in a polo shirt opened the door to them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was breathing heavily, and seemed to be a bit damp. Dean reasoned that she’d probably been having a shower before remembering their appointment, and had rushed to let them in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The office was strewn with comfortable couches and chairs. It was well-lit from two large windows, and there was a fish tank in one corner. On the mantel, a small water fountain bubbled. It was peaceful. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were ushered into their seats on a small couch by the woman, who introduced herself as Dr. Stuart. She sat across from them, and pulled out a clipboard. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dean zoned out as Cas gave her their couple’s backstory, hypnotized by the bubbling of the fish tank and tiny fountain. He snapped back to attention when Dr. Stuart started talking. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So,” she said pleasantly, “I think what’s happened here is you both got caught up in all the hustle and bustle of life. Sometimes we forget to show people we love them from day to day, and that can hurt relationships.” She crossed her legs and settled into her chair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Next to Dean, Cas was nodding in agreement. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dean did not want to be here. He didn’t want to talk about his feelings, and he didn’t want to do it in front of a psychologist Sam thought was suspicious. Idly, he wondered if he should just start throwing salt around to see what would happen. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m going to ask you guys a few questions, and I want you both to answer them. This session is going to be all about reviving love!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dean reassessed, reasoning that any salt he might throw would bounce right off Dr. Stuart’s sugary sweet voice. He honed all his attention on the fish tank. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Dean, what do you love about Castiel?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. What should he say? Well, honesty is the best policy. Didn’t some famous person say that once? Besides, maybe the shrink would be able to help somehow. Worth a try. He could always blame Sam later. “Uh. I love Cas for a lotta reasons. He’s really... understanding. And he’s whip smart, and caring, and kind, and loyal, like you know once he’s by your side you can do anything together. And he’s kind of naive sometimes, but I guess that adds to his charm. He’s-“ and to his horror Dean felt tears rise up in his eyes, “He’s got such a big heart, and anyone who’s lucky enough to have a place in it would love him.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Silence. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dean turned in his seat to meet Cas’ eyes. The angel was looking directly at him, seemingly stunned. Across the room, Dr. Stuart’s pen scratched across the clipboard. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And Castiel, same question,” she said. “What do you love about Dean?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Dean is an honorable man. He is stronger than anyone can see. He is the bravest person I have ever encountered. He acts tough, but he cares about those he holds dear, and he loves fiercely. His stubbornness, his determination to do what’s right, everything that makes him Dean, makes him unbelievably precious in my eyes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Well, there wasn’t much Dean could say to that, was there?</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Finally, we're getting somewhere</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Dean was feeling thoroughly dazed when he stumbled out of the therapist’s office. The things Cas had said were echoing around his head, derailing his trains of thought, and generally making nuisances of themselves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stop that, he told them sternly. It was for the cover story. He had to sell it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas came up behind him and took his hand, smiling gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just for the cover story, Dean insisted to himself. This isn’t real. None of this is real. He’s acting, and so am I.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean, are you all right?” Those big blue eyes were locked onto his, concern practically radiating from the angel. Cas angled his body toward Dean, reassuringly squeezing his hand. “Did I do something wrong?” His brow furrowed at the thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas thought he’d done something wrong. That just wouldn’t do. Cas wasn’t the problem here, he was just playing his part. Dean was the problem. “No! No. I’m just a bit, uh. Unsettled.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas nodded, sagely. Since when was a sage nod sexy?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Down boy, Dean thought at himself. Then he remembered that Cas was still talking to him. "Perhaps we should investigate the closed hiking trails?" Cas was standing very close to him, Dean noticed. His hand was warm and solid against Dean's palm, and Dean absolutely couldn't deal with it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean nodded absently and took off for the trailhead at top speeds. Cas followed more sedately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a full five minutes of hiking through the woods, Dean was bored out of his mind. There were trees. There were pine needles. Occasionally, there was a boulder. Once, Cas saw a squirrel and got very excited, which was adorable.</span>
</p><p>Nope. Bad Dean. Cas is not <em>adorable</em>. Cas is a badass angel of the Lord.</p><p>Anyway. There was plenty of greenery. A lot of trees, some rocks. Dean was pretty sure he'd found poison ivy. There was wildlife. There were flowers, which made him sneeze, and there were paths down to the lakeside. What there was not, was a mysterious monster. It was too tranquil. Dean wanted to fight something.</p><p>"Dean, look at this! I believe the eggs in this nest are almost ready to hatch!"</p><p>Cas was a few yards ahead of him, and peering reverently into a bush right next to the lake shore. What the hell, Dean figured, and ambled over to look at the eggs. Sure enough, there was a tiny nest nestled (Dean snorted and then groaned at the pun his stupid brain made) in the bush. Inside it were three miniscule eggs. They were light brown, and speckled.</p><p>Cas was looking at them like they were the second coming of the Messiah, which Dean didn't get. They were eggs. Yeah, it was cool, but dang. Overkill much, buddy?</p><p>Cas must have sensed Dean's general apathy towards the miracle of the eggs in the nest in nature where these things are usually found with alarming regularity, because he decided to explain. "They're so small, and fragile, and so easily hurt, but the ones that survive! They form new lives, they let babies hatch. It is a wondrous creation; nothing short of a miracle."</p><p>Dean briefly wondered how the hell Cas managed to use semicolons even when he was verbally speaking, because he was pretty sure he'd just heard one. That was such a Cas thing to do.</p><p>"So much potential, Dean," Cas said earnestly. Almost reverently. "Would you take a picture for me?"</p><p>Well. Why the hell not.</p><p>Dean gingerly moved forward with his phone poised, and snapped a picture of the wondrous, potential-ridden eggs. They still just looked like regular old eggs to him, but he was glad Cas was getting something out of it. Anything that put that kind of smile on Cas' face was fine by him.</p><p>"Huh," he said, noticing a tuft of fur on a dead branch down by the water's edge. "Cas? What's this?"</p><p>Cas was beside him in an instant, crouching on the damp bank. "It would appear that something furry has, judging by the positioning of the stick and the way the fur is caught, been crawling out of the water."</p><p>"What furry thing lives in water? Especially around here. Our monster?" Dean was thrilled. Finally, a solid clue!</p><p>Cas looked dubious. "Or, perhaps, a forest creature going for a swim. A fox?"</p><p>"Nah, dude, it's grey." Dean reached for the branch and broke off the end of it, bringing it and the fur clinging to it up to his eye level. "And short. Like, really short. More like a ball of fuzz than hair."</p><p>He noticed on the underside of the fuzzball a smear of blood. "Looks like our creature got caught on the stick and it tore away a chunk of their coat."</p><p>Cas hmmm'd noncommittally. "Very well. Let us go back to the cabin, and I'll see if I can decipher what kind of animal left this here." And he stood up, brushing his coat off briskly, and began walking. Dean stared after him. Cas could do stuff like that?</p><p>Dean tucked the fuzzball and it's stick carefully into the breast pocket on his flannel, and scampered after his angel. Walking at a quick pace, they made it back to the cabins in no time.</p><p>Cas sat down neatly in their armchair, and held out his hand expectantly. Dean plopped the (now slightly squished) fuzzball into it. "You may want to close your eyes," Cas said pleasantly, and began to glow.</p><p>Dean, like a sensible person, forgot to close his eyes until the last second, when Cas' hand started glowing even brighter and also seemed to be emitting some kind of sparks. Pretty. Dean wondered if the sparks were going to diagnose the fuzzball. Then he wondered what his life was becoming, when sentences like that made sense to him. Then he felt a searing pain behind his eyelids, and his knees suddenly stopped working.</p><p>He woke up with sparks dancing in front of his eyes. He blinked a couple of times, and the sparks coalesced into Cas' face. "Dean? Dean. Are you all right?"</p><p>"Mmmh."</p><p>"Dean, I did tell you to close your eyes." Cas sounded exasperated.</p><p>"Nngh." The sparks were pretty, Dean wanted to say. I'm glad I saw them.</p><p>"Dean, you know that exposure to my true form can harm you."</p><p>"Mnph?" The sparks were Cas' true form? Dean had so many questions. Unfortunately, his body didn't seem to be listening when he told it to get up and start talking the way he wanted it to, instead of making those stupid noises.</p><p>"I believe our mysterious creature is a selkie." And okay, yep, that got his attention. Dean struggled into a sitting position on the floor.</p><p>"What."</p><p>"A selkie. They are creatures that appear to be seals in the water, but can shed their fur and walk on the land as humans."</p><p>"Yeah, no, I know that. Don't they usually live in Scotland? And in salt water? What the hell is one doing here?" Dean took a drink of water, and stood up. His stomach growled, reminding him that they'd hiked through lunch. He looked at his watch. Apparently he'd been passed out longer than he'd thought. It was almost dinnertime.</p><p>"I do not know. There was something strangely fuzzy obscuring part of my vision when I attempted to see a clearer picture of the creature." Cas was still hovering very close to Dean. "Are you sure you are all right, Dean?"</p><p>Dean waved him off. "Yeah. Yeah, m'good. Whaddaya say we go get some dinner?" And he tottered out of the cabin and over to the dining hall.</p><p>The dining hall was in a state of panic. Chelsea ran up to him, blonde hair in disarray. "Dean! Dean. have you seen Marie?"</p><p>"No. Is she missing?" Dean didn't have to fake his look of concern. Cas arrived beside him and squeezed his elbow comfortingly.</p><p>"She was going to go for a hike and she never came back. I don't know..." Chelsea trailed off, looking like she was about to cry. Jenny came up and led her into the dining hall, murmuring soothingly about just getting a quick bite to eat.</p><p>Dean turned to look at Cas. "Think it snatched Marie?"</p><p>Cas nodded.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They were hustled into the dining hall for a quick meal, then Dmitri appeared by the buffet table. “I’m going to have to ask all of you to head straight on back to your cabins, and remain there until morning, please. Everything is under control, it’s just a safety precaution. Thank you.”</p><p>Dean turned to Cas. “Well, he’s lying through his teeth.”</p><p>Cas seemed to agree with him, as much as calmly munching on fried rice could be called agreeing. Cas wasn't disagreeing with him, was the point.</p><p>Dean hurriedly finished his dinner just as dusk fell, then dragged Cas out of the dining hall, in their cabin's front door, through their bedroom, and out their cabin's back door. "Okay. They're probably gonna have people out looking for her. We gotta get back down to that spot by the lake and see if there's any more clues."</p><p>Cas was still staring at the hand Dean had clamped around his wrist. Dean hurriedly removed it.</p><p>"You with me, buddy?" Dean peered into Cas' face. "Sorry about...the dragging."</p><p>"I am with you, Dean," Cas said slowly, "Unto the ends of the Earth."</p><p>Okay. Oookay, right. Uh. That was probably a normal, platonic thing to say among angels. "Awesome. Let's go." And Dean led his friend (and crush) not to the ends of the Earth, but into the woods at night in search of a monster.</p><p>Story of his fucking life.</p><p>He was careful with his flashlight beam, not wanting the searchers he could vaguely hear yelling to each other a little bit south of them to notice that they were out, and as a result he stubbed his toe on a boulder, tripped on a tree root, fell down twice, and had pine needles stuck in his hair by the time they reached the area in which they'd found the tuft of selkie hair.</p><p>He knows there were pine needles in his hair because when he turned around to tell Cas they were in the right place and needed to be looking for clues, the angel had reached out and gently plucked one from above Dean's right ear, while standing in his personal bubble and staring straight at him.</p><p>"Thanks," Dean said, pointedly ignoring how his ears were flushing red and his brain was screaming at him to lean forward just a couple of inches and press his lips to Cas'. They stood like that for a good few seconds, Dean drinking in the way their meager light threw Cas' face into sharp relief, making him look less adorable and cute and more badass warrior angel.</p><p>It was sexy, was what it was, and Dean broke their eye contact with an embarrassed little cough, looking down in an attempt to hide his face.</p><p>Oh, wasn't that just wonderful, they'd been having their Moment standing on either side of a bloody trench that rather looked like a struggling body had been dragged into the lake.</p><p>***</p><p>"So," Dean said, once they were back in their cabin. "Our mysterious probably-selkie kidnapped and drowned Marie."</p><p>Cas nodded agreeably from his position curled like a cat on their bed.</p><p>"Shit."</p><p>Cas nodded, again.</p><p>"So. This thing is some kind of mutant, right? It's living in fresh water, it's murdering people. How do we kill it?" Dean was pacing back and forth in their little sitting area, angry with himself for allowing someone to get hurt.</p><p>"Traditionally, selkies die if someone burns their skin. They shed it to become human. We simply have to figure out who it is and where they keep the skin." And with that, Cas turned over. His breathing evened out, and Dean figured that he might as well crawl into bed and sleep some too.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <span>The next morning, they had a counseling session at nine. Dean shamelessly used the excuse to escape the general aura surrounding a distraught Chelsea and the game wardens that had come out to investigate Marie’s disappearance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They found the blood smears,” Dean informed Cas as they waited for Dr. Stuart to usher them into her office. “They’ve decided it was a freak bear attack.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then he noticed that Cas’ arm was slung around his shoulders, and froze. He could feel Cas right next to him, the arm a warm and solid weight across his back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, sweetheart,” Cas murmured, and Dean nearly spontaneously combusted. “We’ll figure it out and burn the skin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean was saved from having to respond to that unexpected endearment by the appearance of Dr. Stuart, who opened her door and motioned for them to walk in and settle themselves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unsurprisingly, they ended up sitting very close to each other on the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All right, guys. We made some great progress last session, so this one is going to be all about working out some deep-seated problems. So, let’s start with Cas this time. What are your three biggest problems regarding Dean?” She was sitting there with her clipboard as her decorative water features bubbled in the background, and Dean wanted to punch her. He didn’t think he could stand to hear whatever Cas was about to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas’ thumb gently stroked Dean’s hand, and he realized they were holding hands. Then Cas opened his mouth, and Dean stopped focusing on the hands. He was too busy being hurt by the words. “Dean keeps secrets quite a bit, often important ones. He has lied to me before, and  instead of communicating with me, he tends to shut me out. Once he kicked me out of our- his home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt like Dean’s heart was painfully squeezing in his chest as he was confronted with the list of all the ways he’d failed, all the ways he’d hurt Cas when he should’ve been cherishing him, all said in that patient, placid tone. There’s no hatred in Cas’ voice, just acceptance of the way Dean’s acted toward him. He wanted to apologize, wanted to promise to do better, but when he opened his mouth what came out was “It’s your home too. Not just my home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t always acted like that, Dean.” He knows it’s true, god does he ever know it’s true, and he hates himself for it. He wants the bunker to be Cas’ home too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t- You know there were… extenuating circumstances there.” Yeah, he’d let a strange angel living in his little brother dictate his actions. Cas knew that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should have told me, Dean. I could have helped!” Oh, there’s a sign of emotion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You couldn’t have helped, Cas, you were-” But he doesn’t finish the sentence, because he can see the way it brings up ragged hurt in Cas’ eyes, and the last thing he wants to do is hurt Cas more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I raised you from Hell, Dean, and you’ve repaid me with anguish and distrust and dislike. I’ve accepted it, I’ve accepted that you’ll never fully trust me again, but it still… it still hurts. I didn’t know it was possible to hurt like this.” Cas is on his feet now, looking horribly, awfully defeated, and no, that can’t be right. He can’t think Dean doesn’t trust him. He can’t think Dean doesn’t like him, god, how could Dean have let it get this bad?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas had fallen silent, watching a myriad of emotions flick across Dean’s face, but he resumed his tirade. “I- I know that at this point you’re barely tolerating me, and I understand. I’m not of use to you.” Dean knows how Dr. Stuart is going to interpret that, that Dean used Cas and threw him away, and god only knows what she thinks the whole ‘raising from Hell’ was a metaphor from, but he knows how Cas means it. Cas thinks Dean only keeps him around for his powers, for his usefulness. Cas thinks Dean doesn’t care about him beyond making him into a soldier in the never-ending Winchester war.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opens his mouth to say something, to refute what Cas is saying, to reassure the angel that he does care, he’s shit at showing it but he does, how can he be better, when Cas keeps talking. Pointedly. Like he’s not going to give Dean a chance to explain himself. “And even though I know all that, Dean, I know your faults and your flaws, I know I could never be enough for you, I never stopped loving you. And believe me, I tried.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then Cas is leaving, turning sharply on his heel and striding out the door, the hitch in his voice at the very end of his speech the only thing betraying his emotions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It feels like he’s taken Dean’s heart with him.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello my lovelies! Please note that this chapter contains mentions of physical (spousal) abuse and mentions of a miscarriage (non-graphic, part of a Tragic Backstory). Please don't read if it'll trigger, I'll put a quick summary in the endnotes.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Dean sat and stared after Cas until Dr. Stuart pointedly cleared her throat at him. “Well, it’s certainly good to get these emotions out. For the rest of our session, let’s unpack how that made you feel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looked blankly at her. Cas loves him? Cas had said he loved him, and told him all the ways he’d irreversibly fucked up their relationship, and then he’d left, and she wanted him to talk about his feelings? He needed to go after Cas. He needed to apologize, beg forgiveness. He needed to tell Cas that he loved him back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to-” He jerked his head toward the door, and made to stand up. He absently noticed that he was breathing heavily, sounding panicked. All he could think of was finding Cas and righting the wrongs he’d caused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sit.” Dr. Stuart said, then handed him a mug. “Drink. It’s tea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sat, working furiously to process everything that had happened. Almost without noticing that he was doing it, he took a gulp of the tea. Even as he swallowed it, he knew he’d made a horrible mistake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew that taste. This wasn’t the first time he’d encountered neuromuscular blocking agents.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes shot to Dr. Stuart, widening in betrayal even as he felt the temporary paralysis take hold, leaving him slumped helpless on the couch. He tried to move his hand: nothing. “W-why?” He slurred, before his tongue stopped listening to what he was telling it to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walked over to him and patted his shoulder, hard. Dean, defenseless, slid down the couch  with the force of the blow. Then she closed and locked the cabin door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Settling back in her seat, she regarded him with intense scrutiny. “I’m going to tell you a story,” she said, “and then I’m going to kill you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean made a muffled noise of protest deep in his throat. She ignored him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Centuries ago, I was a human woman. I lived in a little village off the coast. I was happy.” She sighed wistfully. “Then I fell in love with a man who was a selkie. We were happy together, for a while, until I got pregnant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He didn’t find me as desirable when I was with child, so he resorted to cheating on me. I confronted him, and he hit me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean flopped a little bit further down the couch, the last vestiges of his strength being sapped from him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He kept hitting me until I grabbed a knife and killed him. I lost the baby. I knew I couldn’t stay in my village, so I took his sealskin and left.” She was staring off into the distance, relieving painful memories. Her eyes were shimmery with tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean hummed at her angrily, trying and failing to move again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I found a spell and tried to make the sealskin fit me, so I could transform like he had, but it didn’t quite work. I mutated. Now I need freshwater instead of the ocean, things like that. Anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I made it my own personal crusade to hurt abusers like him as much as he’d hurt me. This job here lets me see which people need to be taken out, for the good of everyone. I’m sure you heard that screaming coming from Chelsea and Marie’s cabin? That was Marie. She was verbally abusive, nearly textbook, really. So I offered her some tea and kept her here, and when it was dark, I took her out to the lake and swam beside her as she sank like a stone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I watched the air leave her lungs and the life leave her eyes, and I enjoyed it, Dean. And tonight, I’m going to do the same thing to you.” She leaned forward in her chair and trailed one fingertip down Dean’s cheek. He blinked at her, that being nearly the only movement he was still capable of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The things that poor man accused you of… and you don’t deny any of it, do you, Dean? You know what you did. You know you need to pay the price.” Yeah, he did. He knew what he’d done, and he knew he deserved this. He’d caused Cas so much pain but he couldn’t die yet, he had to apologize, he had to right his wrongs!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then she was heaving him off of the couch with inhuman strength and stuffing him in a broom closet. “I’ll be back tonight,” she said, and closed the door, leaving Dean in darkness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas didn’t know where he was going when he stormed out of Dr. Stuart’s cabin, only that he needed to get away from Dean. Dean, who knew now that Cas had feelings toward him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Feelings with distinctly romantic undertones.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Towards Dean, of all people. Heaven’s Righteous Man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas was so caught up in his inner turmoil that he didn’t notice something was wrong until he was engulfed in white light. He made to draw his angel blade even as he appeared in Heaven, strapped to a table in front of Naomi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Castiel,” she said calmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grunted and flailed in his bonds. He had to get away, he had to get back to Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure you know why you’re here, but I’m going to tell you anyway. Heaven is done with this everlasting war. We’re retreating, we’ve negotiated a ceasefire.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas stopped struggling, struck dumb by sheer shock. Heaven had what?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Human souls will still go either to Heaven or Hell, but neither Heaven nor Hell will interfere with events on Earth again.” She was walking toward him, holding her blade. He flinched away from her. “All angels will remain in Heaven from now on,” she said even as she put the blade to his neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-” He was cut off by the harsh metal pressing against his throat. A trickle of blood welled up from the thin scratch, soaking into his collar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All the angels except you, Castiel. You’re a disgrace.” She sliced across his neck, just below his chin. “You’re pathetic.” His Grace began welling out of the cut as he thrashed in agony, the pain of having his Grace ripped out of him nearly overwhelming him. “You, you love a </span>
  <em>
    <span>human</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Naomi was merciless, tearing him to shreds with her words as she stripped him of everything that made him an angel. His Grace gone, she forced him off the table and into a kneeling position in front of her with a flick of her wrist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas whimpered in pain as he was manhandled. Naomi was growling in his ear as unimaginable pain tore through him again. “You,” She growled, and ripped his wings from him, “are Fallen!”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Summary: Dean is drugged and captured by Dr. Stuart, who confesses to having been abused by her selkie husband and, after killing him, stole his sealskin and forced it to accept her as a selkie, leading to some mutations (living in freshwater, etc). She announces that she is going to kill Dean that night.</p><p>Also, Cas gets temporarily kidnapped by Naomi, who explains that Heaven and Hell have negotiated a ceasefire and will be withdrawing from Earth. She then takes Cas' Grace and his wings, declaring him Fallen.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Emotions galore!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I will eventually bring fluff again, I promise. This, however, is not that. Lots of crying ahead (for a certain blue eyed ex angel)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cas woke to find himself lying on the bed in their cabin back at the couple’s retreat. His entire body ached, with the pain centered on his shoulder blades. He squinted out the window and determined that it was probably later afternoon, and he had time for a shower. Maybe the hot water would feel better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was human. He could feel it in every fiber of his being, this newfound fragility. He was mortal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This fact was brought home to him rather abruptly when he cut himself shaving after his shower. His Grace was gone, his wings were gone. He had Fallen for love of Dean Winchester, and now he was alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shortly after that realization, sitting on the floor of the bathroom, Cas discovered that he could cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Half a mile away, Dean, still closed in the broom closet, was desperately trying to move, but to no avail. He was still thoroughly dosed up and unable to so much as twitch a finger. He did, however, notice a suspiciously sealskin-like bundle hanging from a hook on the back of the door. So that’s where she stored it, he thought. If I could move, I could burn it. I have a lighter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried again. He still couldn’t move. Fuck this, he thought, if I make it out of here alive, I’m gonna go find Cas and tell him I’m sorry, and that I love him back. And that I trust him, and somehow he’s gotten the wrong idea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, he spent a good fifteen minutes coming to terms with how he might be a little big gay for Cas, which he’d sort of realized before but had been avoiding thinking about. What had Sam been thinking, pairing them up like this?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Knowing the overgrown little shit, he’d been planning for this to happen. Dean so owed his brother a smack upside the head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried futilely to wriggle around some more, hoping to reach his phone, but it didn’t work. He could just barely move his pinkie finger, which was of approximately no use to him. Maybe if he prayed to Cas, the angel would come?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hey Cas, he thought, in the direction he’d last seen Cas go, I’m paralyzed and trapped in a broom closet by the marriage counselor from Hell. Wanna give me a hand?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After another twenty minutes of prayer and increasing panic as he tried (and failed) to squirm around on the floor of the closet, Dean realized that Cas wasn’t coming. There was no way the angel hadn’t heard him, with all the mental shouting. Dean knew Cas was attuned to him and his prayers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That could only mean one thing: Cas wasn’t coming back. Cas was done dealing with him, and Dean, unless someone enacted a miracle, was going to die. He resumed staring blankly at the ceiling of the closet, and morosely twitched his big toe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas had run out of tears, and was sitting on the floor of the bathroom, looking at his hands. There was blood flowing through his veins now, he could almost feel his heart pumping in his chest. That was interesting, he supposed. He’d never relied on a heart to keep him alive before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned his hands over and inspected his arms, then poked his left forearm. It gave easily under his fingertip, and he flattened his hand over it. It was warm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was strange, was what it was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then he noticed the silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he was an angel, there was always a low hum in the back of his mind. He could tap into it to hear prayers, or to tune into what Dean called Angel Radio. Cas had never been without it, and now, it was gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was almost unbearably quiet in his head. It felt isolated. How did humans deal with this?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Probably not by sitting supine on bathroom floors.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas pulled himself up and faced himself in the mirror. He gently washed off the blood from his small shaving cut, then finished ridding himself of stubble. Then, methodically, he walked into the bedroom and pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of jeans Dean had gotten for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The shirt smelled like Dean, and Cas was hit with a wave of sadness. He’d told Dean everything. How could he have done that? Dean must hate him now. Cas couldn’t blame him for it; he rather hated himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat down on the edge of the bed and looked out the window, where the sun was beginning to set. It was late, now he was sure Dean hated him. The man had had hours to return to the cabin and had chosen not to, and Cas, now lacking any power whatsoever, was quite unable to determine his location.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Should he even go after Dean? The man had probably left this entire camp in his rearview mirror a long time ago. He didn’t know Cas was human, he was probably assuming that he’d fly out when he needed to. And even if he found Dean, what would he say to him? That he was sorry for what he had said? That logically, he knew that most of the hurtful things he’d accused Dean of weren’t true, Cas had just been unsettled and had lashed out unfairly? That the things he’d said that did hold a grain of truth, that were really ways Dean had hurt him, were things that Cas had forgiven long ago? What should he say, that he’s sorry for loving him? That Dean isn’t the awful person Cas made him out to be, that Dean has the brightest soul Cas had ever seen in all his years of existence? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d lied when he’d said he tried to stop loving Dean. He may have toyed with the idea of it a few times, back when he was still fully loyal to Heaven, but even then he’d known it would be a lost cause. He could sooner halt the expansion of the universe than he could stop loving Dean Winchester.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A choked sob strangled in Cas’ throat as he came face-to-face with that particular realization. He’d hurt (and been hurt by, but that was okay, that was forgiven) the man he loved, the man he’d Fallen for, and now Dean wouldn’t want anything to do with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean was able to move all of his toes and most of his fingers, and was doing so frantically, when the closet door swung open. “Sun’s going down,” announced Dr. Stuart, “so we’re going to get ready to head to the lake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean, lacking the ability to do anything drastic, rolled his eyes at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Roll those eyes again, and I’ll claw them out before I drag you to the bottom.” She was all business, briskly pulling her sealskin off the hook and draping it over her arm, then grabbing one of his ankles and dragging him out of the closet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean was left dumped unceremoniously on the floor, his cheek squished into a rug. He could see at least three dust bunnies under the couch, and he briefly wondered when the last time she’d vacuumed was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could hear her moving around behind him, drawing curtains and tidying up papers. “You and Marie were the only ones in this batch that needed to be offed,” she said conversationally. “Thought you’d like to know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean twitched his middle finger up in the general direction of her voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, it was surprising. We can go through two, sometimes three groups without me needing to take anyone. Two in one week, though! Soon I’m going to have to move somewhere else so nobody gets suspicious.” He heard a thump that sounded like her setting down a stack of books.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He waved the middle finger, and thought he could discern the feeling returning to his wrists and calves. Best not to test that, he thought. If she thinks I’m still totally helpless, I may get enough movement back to fight her before she kills me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stepped on his back casually as she moved to the other side of the room to click off a lamp, which really kind of hurt. Dean let out a pained huff of air, and flipped her the bird with his other hand, too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, did you not like that?” She was standing over him now, he was pretty sure. He didn’t like that low, sugary sweet tone in her voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Figuring it was a rhetorical question, he tried to make a dismissive noise. It didn’t work very well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She moved to stand in front of him and yanked his head up by the hair, causing tears of pain to spring to his eyes. He glared at her as best as he could, which was not well at all. Then she slapped him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He still didn’t have any control over his neck, so his head swayed with the slap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She slapped him again, then, putting that supernatural strength to good use, she hauled him over her shoulders in a textbook fireman’s carry. Dean was temporarily impressed by the upper body strength, then remembered that said strength was about to be used to kill him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walked with him and the sealskin over to the door, and carried him out into the night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas had to find Dean, he decided, especially since now that he was thinking more clearly, all of Dean’s things were still strewn about the cabin. And they hadn’t finished the hunt yet. Which meant that Dean should have returned to the cabin hours ago, probably at some point where Cas was still on the bathroom floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean hadn’t returned, and Cas had no way of knowing if he was praying for help or not. Obviously, Dean was incapacitated in some way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas decided that he would go find Dean, free him, let him scream at Cas all he wanted, then beg a ride to a more metropolitan area before Dean abandoned him for all the things he’d said and done. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a foolproof plan, and he was confident it would play out exactly like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nodding to himself, he set about gathering what he would need to save Dean. A gun, loaded and tucked into the back of his pants like Sam had taught him. A knife. A flashlight with fresh batteries. A lighter and a small can of lighter fluid, which he slipped into the pocket of his trench coat before tying the garment securely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had to be careful of things like that now, since a mishap could injure him. He also had to remember to wear appropriate clothing, because it was cold outside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas paused by the window as he checked the batteries in the flashlight. There was a little porch light over the cabin door, and he saw a strangely shaped figure skirting the edge of it and heading for the woods at a slow but steady pace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas squinted. It was an oddly lumpy silhouette. Then it moved slightly into the bubble of light, and he could clearly see a plaid pattern. That was Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Someone, presumably Dr. Stuart, was carrying Dean into the woods. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As silently as possible, Cas gathered up his supplies and slipped out the back door, circling the cabin and straining all of his senses. He could hear the faint crackling of footsteps in the woods, so he followed them. He didn’t want to turn on the flashlight, in case it alerted Dr. Stuart to his presence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean hadn’t been moving, so he was probably not going to be much help in a fight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Due to his self-imposed lack of flashlight, Cas found himself walking with his hands out in front of himself to avoid running into trees, navigating entirely by the light of the moon that filtered unevenly through the branches above him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a good few minutes of walking, he heard a weak cry of pain. Dean! Abandoning all caution, he flicked on the flashlight and rushed toward the noise.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It all comes to a head.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay after this no more cliffhangers, I swear</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Dean was slumped awkwardly across Dr. Stuart’s shoulders as she marched into the woods. He let out a low groan as she brushed past trees, branches catching on him as they went past. One branch scraped across his cheek, and he tried to move his head away. It didn’t work, unsurprisingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried to focus on where they were going, tried to think of how he could possibly get away, but was coming up blank. He couldn’t move. Cas wasn’t coming for him (and Dean really couldn’t blame him).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr. Stuart came up to a shadowy, moonlight clearing. Blearily, Dean recognized it as the same one he and Cas had found the bird’s nest in. He still had that picture of the eggs on his phone. He needed to get that developed and give it to Cas, that was just the sort of thing the angel would like. If he survived the night, that was, because it would be really hard to develop a photo for an angel who didn’t want anything to do with him if he was dead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr. Stuart dropped him to the ground, and he let out a winded ‘oof’. Then she was standing over him, glaring. “You know,” she said conversationally, “I think just drowning is too good for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean wriggled around, trying fruitlessly to escape.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She slapped him across the face again, hard, multiple times. Dean let out a definite whimper, which he would later deny. Dean didn’t whimper, and even if he did, he did it in a really manly way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She planted a knee in his abdomen and leaned in close to his face. He wheezed helplessly at her. “You need to feel some small portion of the pain you inflicted on your poor husband before I kill you.” She hissed into his ear, grinding the knee further into his stomach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Holy fucking shit, that hurt. He was gonna have some bruised internal organs pretty fast, but so far he hadn’t felt any major, life-threatening injuries. He glared defiantly up at her, which was probably a bad move.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stood up again, looming threateningly over him. Dean tried, from his position sprawled on his back in a bunch of leaves and dirt, to look aloof. Then she kicked him in the balls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean was not too proud to admit that he yelped, loudly, in pain. He tried to curl in around himself, but still couldn’t move quite enough to do so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She kicked him again, hard, and he let out a high-pitched sort of gasping noise. Fuck! He felt like he was going to throw up from the pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then she had a hold of his ankles and was dragging him closer to the water’s edge. She got him situated right next to the water, easily pushed in and dragged down, and shook out her sealskin, beginning to shrug it over her shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was going to transform, and then she was going to drag him into the water, and then she was going to drown him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean closed his eyes and focused very, very hard on trying to move his legs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His legs did not move.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He closed his eyes and waited to feel the water rushing into his lungs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas sped up upon hearing Dean’s cry, and quickly found himself on the edges of the clearing they had first discovered the fur from the sealskin in. He clicked off his flashlight, not wanting to alert Dr. Stuart to his presence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could see Dean, a crumpled mass by the water’s edge. What had she done to him? Why wasn’t he moving? How badly was he hurt?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr. Stuart was in the act of slinging the sealskin around her shoulders, preparing to change, and he knew he had to act fast. She was facing him, but hadn’t seen him yet. Quietly, he moved closer to her, until he was standing about five feet away from her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was busy fussing with the sealskin, and hadn’t noticed his presence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hoping that his plan worked, Cas turned on the flashlight and pointed it directly at her face. When she flailed backward, bringing her hands up to shield her eyes, he lunged forward and yanked the sealskin off of her shoulders. She moved blindly toward him, trying to grab for it, and he shoved her backward with such force she went tumbling into the mud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then he pulled out his lighter and held it to the bottom of the sealskin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dr. Stuart scrambled over to Dean and started rolling him into the water. Dean made a feeble movement in protest - he was alive, then. Cas hoped that the skin burned before she could do any more damage to Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The skin caught, finally, and tiny flames began licking up around it. Dr. Stuart herself was starting to look rather singed around the edges, although she hadn’t stopped trying to drown Dean. “Hey!” Cas yelled at her, but she wouldn’t be distracted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t go over and stop her, because then the skin wouldn’t burn. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was halfway burned now, and there was smoke pouring off of Dr. Stuart. She was making stifled noises of pain as she shoved frantically at Dean’s limp body. He was only head and shoulders out of the water now, and going further down with every second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas shone his flashlight at Dr. Stuart, hoping to blind her again. It didn’t work, but now he had a better view of Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The skin was three-quarters of the way burned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean’s head was barely above water, Cas could see his eyes in the light from his flashlight. He looked resigned to his fate, and Cas’ heart ached for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The last of the skin dissolved into ash, and Dr. Stuart did the same, just as Dean’s head slipped underwater.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was cold, Dean thought. Why was the water so cold? It was summer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was sliding down, the bank dropping off steeply underneath him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried to kick his legs or move his arms, but the movement he could muster up wasn’t enough to carry him back to the surface.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His clothes were waterlogged, making him even heavier. He was drifting out, away from the shore now, caught up in some current.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His lungs felt like they were bursting, and finally, he couldn’t hold his breath anymore. He inhaled sharply, recoiling when lake water rushed into his nose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It burned all the way down to his lungs, and he wondered if that was going to be the last thing he felt before he died. Drowning wasn’t the worst way to go, he thought. It was almost peaceful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At least this way, he wouldn’t be around to hurt Cas anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean’s vision went black.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Comments give me life, y'all!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Cas saves Dean, but the angst is far from over! Conflicted feelings, naked Deans... poor Cas!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm sorry this is so late!! Please don't murder me?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cas hurried over to the water’s edge and shone the flashlight in, hoping to catch a glimpse of Dean in those murky depths. He couldn’t see anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wait, there!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>About fifteen feet out from the bank, bubbles were rising up. Dean was losing air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas ripped off his trench coat and splashed into the water, realizing that it quickly got too deep for him to stand. He swam out to where the bubbles were tapering off, and dove frantically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He moved his arms in wide sweeps, unable to see where he was going or what he was doing. He was almost out of air - such a human thing, he had to </span>
  <em>
    <span>breathe </span>
  </em>
  <span>now, he was totally gonna freak out about that later - when his forearm brushed against fabric.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grabbed a fistful of Dean’s shirt and dragged both himself and the hunter toward the surface.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They broke the surface, Cas gasping for breath, Dean unnaturally still.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas hauled Dean back up on the bank and, wishing he still had his powers, started CPR.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean woke up, which was unexpected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas was looming over him shining a flashlight in his face, which was even more unexpected, and also painful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude,” Dean said. “Watch the light.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It came out sounding like “Guhhh, wushh th’luuut?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean attempted to direct a glare in the general direction of his vocal cords, and wondered why the hell they weren’t working.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas slapped his cheek lightly. “Dean? Dean! Oh, thank God.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas looked, to be kind, like a drowned rat. His hair was slicked down and wet, and strangely ruffled on the side where he’s been running his hand through it. His clothes were dripping water all over Dean, who was, huh, pretty wet himself, now that he thought about it. “Hey, Cas.” He tried out a charming grin. Judging by the look on Cas’ face, it fell short of the mark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Dean remembered what had happened, and promptly cracked his neck flailing around trying to see the selkie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s dead, Dean,” Cas told him, correctly interpreting Dean’s impression of a beached whale. “And you’re freezing cold and wet. Let’s get you back to the cabin and into the shower.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then he helped Dean up, slung Dean’s arm around his shoulders, and helped him walk on his shaky, still partially drugged legs back to their cabin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t talk, even when Dean made slurred, questioning noises at him (the way things were going, the drug was going to wear off of his tongue last) or poked at his side. He just looked straight ahead with his best poker face on, and tramped through the woods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean made a mental note to teach the angel to play poker.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Dean noticed that the longer they walked, the louder Cas’ panting breaths were getting, which should not have been happening, because Cas usually didn’t breathe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean was still pondering that when Cas heaved him through the doorway of their cabin and straight through to the bathroom, where he turned the shower on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas tested the water with one hand, then turned to Dean, who was slumped against the door. “You need to warm up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean gave a mmph of agreement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Cas started taking Dean’s clothes off, and Dean let out an indignant squawk. This was emphatically not how he’d pictured the first time Cas took his clothes off to be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to molest you,” Cas said irritably. “I do have some self control.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean, suitably chastened, let Cas strip him and wrangle him and his uncooperative limbs into the shower.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas knew he’d irreversibly fucked things up between him and Dean when he’d admitted to his feelings, but the way Dean had reacted when Cas had started unbuttoning his shirt had still hurt. He knew Dean didn't return his feelings, but surely the other man didn't think him so low as to attempt to do something to Dean that Dean didn't want? He vowed to leave as soon as he knew Dean was safe, but his loyalty to the other man wouldn’t let him go just yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of picking up his duffel and walking out the door with at least some of his dignity intact, he turned off the shower, reached into the tub, and fished a very wet and very naked (but at least he was warm now) Dean out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean seemed to have regained control of his limbs for the most part, because he managed to wrap himself in a towel and shake the excess water out of his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas was glad that Dean was partially self-sufficient again, because the temporary respite from Dean-Watching Duty gave him the chance to be very annoyed at the situation in his pants.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The situation in his pants very much liked wet, naked Dean Winchester. Actually, the situation in his pants just liked Dean any way he came. “Shut up,” Cas hissed at it, then turned to guide Dean into his boxers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean’s knees weren’t quite working just right yet, so he was finding it hard to put his feet through the proper holes in his boxers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, this put Cas on face level with Dean’s junk. Cas closed his eyes, sighed, and carefully bent Dean’s knee for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Above him, Dean patted him softly on the head and mumbled something he didn’t understand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Dean. I hear you,” Cas said, ignoring him completely. “Let’s get you into bed, yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After Dean was deposited into the bed, where he immediately began snoring, Cas took a quick shower of his own to warm up, changed clothes, and started packing his things. At first he moved quietly, but it soon became apparent that Dean was sleeping the sleep of the recently nearly murdered and exhausted, and wouldn’t wake up if Cas brought a marching band into their cabin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tucked his toothbrush away into his bag and stepped out of the cabin, resolutely setting off for the main road. He’d hitchhike his way into the nearest town and buy himself a junker with his savings, then reach out to some other hunters in search of a case he could go solo on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He would be fine without the Winchesters. He could navigate being human. Surely, if he ignored his broken heart for long enough, it would stop hurting.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Don't worry. Sam is coming back to help these two dumbasses soon (as soon as he finishes laughing at them)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sam comes into the picture, bringing sensibility! Smart boy!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Dean woke up, then promptly felt like he’d been run over by a Heavenly tank. The first thing he comprehended, besides ‘ouch ow what the fuck’, was that he was no longer paralyzed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he was exhausted. Seriously, why was he awake? He ran a quick self-assessment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He seemed to be okay, all things considered. He couldn’t quite remember how he’d gotten from drowning to here, but he was sure it would come to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Halfway through mixing up some instant coffee, it did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The coffee cup went crashing to the floor and Dean scrambled for his clothes. Cas. He had to find Cas. He had to tell him- what?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That he was sorry for hurting him, again? That he returned Cas’ feelings? Did Cas still want him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He skidded around the bed in search of his duffel and his pants, and was faced with… just his duffel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All of Cas’ things were gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas’ duffel was gone. Dean went skidding around the cabin, searching for some sign that Cas would be coming back. Cas’ toothbrush was gone from the bathroom. His tin of those weird chewy ginger candies that he inexplicably loved was gone from the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas was gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean, worked into a fine frenzy, hopped around the cabin on one foot, trying to tug his boot on as he looked for a relatively clean shirt. Once he was mostly dressed, he rushed out the cabin door, looking for any sign of his angel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first thing he saw was a distraught Jenny, being consoled by her husband David and who Dean thought was probably Brendan from the front desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then he noticed the ambulance, and police cars, and assorted official personnel milling about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dmitri came up to him. “Ah, our last camper. I’m afraid there’s been a bit of an incident, and I’m going to have to ask you to come with me to the dining hall.” Dean, numbly hoping that the incident didn’t involve Cas, followed Dmitri, Jenny, David, and Brendan to the dining hall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once they were all seated, huddled together into a little knot of furrowed brows and anxious movements, Dmitri started to speak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure you’ve all noticed the kerfuffle going on outside. I’m afraid that Dr. Stuart is missing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jenny gave a little gasping squeak of surprise, and David hugged her closer. That made sense, Dean thought. The monster they’d ganked would be missed, obviously. He didn’t need to worry that Cas was somehow the reason for the ambulance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dmitri continued. “We brought people out to dredge the lake, and made a horrifying discovery. Marie’s body was there, as well as remains that we think belong to the other missing campers. I’m sure the officials would like to speak to all of you. As of now,” hr continued, “Honeymoon Haven is closed. Brendan can handle your refunds at the front desk, and I must ask that you begin making arrangements to leave.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A state trooper hovering in the doorway gestured for Dmitri’s attention, and he scurried over to answer the woman’s questions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean slid into the little group still comforting a hysterical Jenny. He murmured a few inane condolences, then set off toward the kitchen with a purposeful stride, muttering “water, water” to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As expected, he wasn’t questioned, and once he was safely ensconced in the kitchen, he breathed a sigh of relief. Then he slipped out the kitchen door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had to circumvent the hive of activity and the entire lake and a few lake-adjacent buildings, which were being marked off as a crime scene and were crawling with feds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tramped through the woods to the cabin, snuck in the door, and started scouring the place for clues as to where Cas might have gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas had been walking for a couple of hours when he heard the purr of a familiar engine. Sam pulled up next to him in Baby, matching his speed to Cas’ walking pace. Cas ignored him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cas!” Sam was leaning across the passenger seat and yelling out the open window. “Cas, is everything okay? What’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam could be very loud when he wanted to be, and was getting difficult to ignore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to hunt solo for a while,” Cas said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam hit the brakes with probably more vigour than Dean would appreciate. “What the fuck?” He got out of the car and rushed around to where Cas was walking. “Hey, man, talk to me. What did Dean do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean didn’t do anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam was in front of him walking backward, all concerned eyebrows and wildly waving hands. “C’mon, man, what is it? Come back to the car with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean would not wish to see me again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Sam said. “I guess we’re doing this the hard way.” Then he stepped forward and hauled Cas over one broad shoulder, loping back to the car, and depositing Cas in the front passenger seat. “Wow,” he said, not out of breath in the slightest. “I didn’t think you’d actually let me do that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas, accepting his continued association with at least one Winchester, settled into the seat. He was glad for the chance to rest his legs. “It’s not like I could have stopped you. You’re stronger than me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam froze halfway into the driver’s seat, face in a truly comical expression of surprise. His mouth moved for a few moments, then “Huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am Fallen,” Cas said gravely, then let out an undignified yelp as he leaned backwards and his shoulder blades, still sore from having his wings ripped off, pressed too hard against the seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam was staring at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well? Say something, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I- wha- how? Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, Sam always was the curious one. “How? I let my shields down and Heaven found me. Naomi drained me of my grace and ripped my wings away, making me human. As for why… I committed one of the worst sins an angel can become ensnared by.” Cas fidgeted awkwardly with the strap on his duffel bag. Sam, not breaking the eye contact he was holding with Cas, took the bag and put it in the backseat. He was obviously waiting for Cas to continue. “I fell in love with a human.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam blinked at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam blinked at him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas realized that he should probably blink too, because he could feel his eyes drying out (this being human thing was complicated, it seemed).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My brother,” Sam said. “You fell for my brother.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You couldn’t have- no offense- picked a better sample of humanity?” Sam squinted into the darkness. “Sun’s coming up. We should get a move on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean’s soul is one of the brightest I have ever seen. He is an exemplary example of humanity.” Cas said indignantly. Then, “But he hates me now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Sam said. “We’re gonna drive to pick Dean up while you fill me in on everything, and then you two are gonna sit in the backseat together and work out your problems while I drive us all back to Jody. She wants to make sure we’re all okay.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Well, all three of our main players are all in one spot... but are the misunderstandings going to clear up?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I bet y'all thought we were done with the angst. At least I went easy on the cliffhanger, I could have stopped it a paragraph earlier.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cas weighed his options. He really didn’t want to go along with Sam’s plan. He sighed, shifting in the seat and reaching for the door handle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cas,” Sam said softly, and Cas made the mistake of turning around. Sam was looking at him with big, mournful eyes, silently pleading with him to stay. “Please,” Sam said, and really, what could Cas do when faced with that?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He got himself settled facing forward. “Okay. Drive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll start driving when you start talking,” Sam replied agreeably, then settled in for the long haul. He looked stupidly comfortable there, slouched in the seat willing to wait as long as it took for Cas to fill him in on everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Cas said. “Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam waited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A car whooshed past them, startling Cas into looking around quickly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam was somehow exuding an aura of patience and expectancy, and it was very irritating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas fidgeted with the strap of his duffel bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam cleared his throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Cas said again. Sam made a small noise of acknowledgement and encouragement in his throat, and Cas continued. “We were pretending to be a couple and went to couple’s therapy. I accidentally told Dean I loved him, right after I listed off all the ways he’d ever hurt me, and just before I stormed out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam, who had pulled back onto the road and continued to the camp as Cas talked, made a strangled choking noise. To his credit, though, his driving didn’t suffer. “Just so we’re clear,” he said, “You stormed out before he could answer you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhm. The next time I saw him, he was drugged and drowning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam glanced over at him. “He’s not still drugged and drowning, is he?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I stopped the drowning. He’s back at the cabin, probably still asleep. The drugs should wear off.” Cas settled back into the seat, satisfied with his retelling of the events.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam, on the other hand, wasn’t. “So what was drowning him? How did the hunt go, is it over? Have you and Dean actually talked since the big reveal?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We talked if him flinching away from me when I tried to get him in the shower to warm up is what you call talking. No words were said, but I think it conveys his opinion pretty well. I think he thought I was going to… force something on him.” Cas can feel his voice growing more irritable. They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, then he started filling Sam in on the details of the hunt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean couldn’t find anything in the cabin. Cas wasn’t there. He’d left the cabin to sneak around the entire camp, looking for his angel, but had come up with nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, he worked his way back to the dining hall, only to discover that he was the only guest left at the camp - everyone else had packed up and left after being questioned by the local authorities.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Said local authorities were waiting somewhat impatiently for him. “Mr. Emerson,” called a deputy upon seeing him approach. “We need to speak with you. Your cooperation would be greatly appreciated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean did not want to speak with the deputy, he wanted to go find Cas. He pulled out his phone and dialled Cas’ number, but it went straight to voicemail.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just like it had the last twenty-three times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe the cops would know something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey there!” he put on his most obnoxious smile. “Sure, I’ll cooperate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Half an hour (and quite a few mundane questions) later, Dean had successfully convinced the cops that he knew absolutely nothing and was completely shocked, and by the way if they saw his husband could they please let him know, because he isn’t here and Dean just knows they aren’t going to find him in the lake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he was walking back to the cabin, planning to call Sam and pack up his duffel, a horrible thought struck him. They hadn’t finished dragging the lake yet; what if they really did pull Cas out of it? He was an angel, he shouldn’t be able to drown, but…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas had been panting for breath when he helped Dean back to the cabin. He’d manually removed Dean’s clothes instead of using his Grace. And, most tellingly, he’d performed CPR instead of magicking Dean better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What if something was wrong with Cas? What if he was hurting, something was draining him, and Dean hadn’t noticed?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He walked faster as he worried, intent on getting to Sam and enlisting his help finding Cas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he reached the cabin, he realized that doing so was going to be much easier than he’d expected. The Impala was parked in front of their cabin, and the cabin door was open. Sam was leaning up against the car with his arms crossed. He waved one arm in greeting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sprinted the last few yards and threw his arms around Sam, startling an ‘oomph!’ out of the taller man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh God, Sammy, Cas is gone, I can’t find him, I don’t know where he is, Christ I’m glad to see you…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam awkwardly patted his back and disentangled himself. “Dean, Dean calm down. Dean!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean calmed down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cas is in the cabin. We’re gonna pick you up and all head back to see Jody. She says it’s been too long since she’s seen the lot of us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean only really heard the first half, because as soon as he knew where Cas was, he was hurrying for the open cabin door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Inside, Cas was patiently folding up one of Dean’s shirts, preparing to nestle it alongside the others in his duffel. “Cas,” Dean gasped, slightly out of breath and leaning on the doorframe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas whirled around. “Dean!” He dropped the shirt. “I’m sorry. I’ll go wait outside.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Cas, wait!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas paused, looking hesitantly at Dean. Dean took a step closer and Cas shrank back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A little piece of Dean's heart cracked. Did Cas think Dean was gonna hurt him? “Cas, I- I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, for everything you said, you- Cas? Where are you going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Out the back door was where Cas was going, then around the cabin to stand in front of Sam. “I can’t do this,” Dean heard him say to Sam. “I can’t- he’s going to-” Dean turned away from the pair of them, ducking back inside the cabin to finish packing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas didn’t even want to be in the same room as him, let alone the same vehicle. Dean had hurt him so much. He didn’t know how to apologize let alone fix it. Cas knew that. Cas knew Dean was going to hurt him again, Cas was begging Sam not to make him stay close to Dean because he knew, knew intimately, how well Dean managed to hurt everyone he cared about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was probably best for Cas to not want to be near him, it meant he wouldn’t get caught in the collateral damage of Dean’s bad decisions and stupid mistakes, but knowing that Cas didn’t want him felt like a sharp blow to Dean’s chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Outside, Sam was listening patiently to Cas’ tirade. “He’s going to hate me, Sam, he already does and now that I’m Fallen, I’m of no use to him anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam let out a patient sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. This particular clusterfuck of a situation was going to take a lot of careful consideration.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sam is doing his best, but Dean and Cas are apparently set on being self-destructive idiots</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Okay,” Sam said, surveying the sullen contents of the backseat via his rearview mirror as he maneuvered the Impala onto the highway. “Talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas was staring sadly out the window.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean was trying to pick the lock on the handcuffs Sam had used to stick the two together in the hopes that it would make them actually interact. “Dude, no fair, you swiped my lockpicks?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam clicked on his turn signal, smoothly switching lanes, then held up the little packet and wiggled it tauntingly. “Yup. You can have them back when you two actually talk.” Then he focused on driving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>From the backseat came a scuffling noise, then a grunt, then a small ‘oof’ from Cas. There was a noticeable lack of talking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Sam said, calling on the last reserves of his patience. “Cas, there’s something you haven’t told Dean that he needs to know.” God, he hoped this would get the two dumbasses talking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas made a little humming noise and tugged futilely on the handcuffs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Sam told him. “Those are there so nobody can crawl up into the front seat and ignore what they need to be doing, which is </span>
  <em>
    <span>talking</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it that I need to know?” Dean demanded, suddenly looking very invested in the conversation. “Is something going on? Cas, are you all right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” Cas said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be clich</span>
  <span>é</span>
  <span>,” Sam told him severely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time the exhausted group pulled into Jody’s driveway at dusk, approximately no actual talking had been carried out. Cas had admitted he was Fallen, Dean had panicked, they’d ended up yelling worriedly at each other until Sam had played mediator, and then Cas had fallen asleep slumped on Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, none of their actual issues had been worked out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey guys,” he said softly as he cut the engine. “We’re here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A soft snore came from the backseat. Sam turned around, stretching out the cricks in his neck as he did so. Cas was asleep curled against Dean’s side with his head on Dean’s shoulder, and Dean was snoozing with his arm around Cas and his head leaning back against the headrest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah,” Sam murmured as he pulled his phone out and took a picture of them. “You two are adorable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then he leaned over the seat and unlocked the handcuffs, shaking Dean awake. Dean blinked confusedly up at him, then down at Cas’ tousled head. “Uh-huh,” Sam looked smugly at him. “Now wake loverboy up and come inside.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jody was coming out onto her porch, waving, and Sam waved back. Then she came down to help them carry some of their stuff inside. She took a duffel bag, Sam took a duffel bag and a small collection of weapons, and Dean carried Cas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bridal style.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam shot him a </span>
  <em>
    <span>look</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and Dean flipped him off with the hand that was supporting Cas’ shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas made a sleepy little noise and burrowed closer to Dean’s chest, which Jody thought was just adorable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone was exhausted, so after a brief moment of dithering, Dean and Cas were installed in Jody’s spare room and Sam was crashing on the couch, fully prepared to sleep for a week. The emotions rolling off of his brother and Cas were tiring him out, and he wasn’t even the one feeling them all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean woke up warm and comfortable, which was rather nice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then he promptly panicked, because he’d glommed onto Cas in his sleep and he was certain Cas would hate him if he woke up and discovered that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean knew how Cas felt about him. Cas hated him, hated how much Dean had hurt him. Cas had flinched away from him back at their cabin, for Christ’s sake, he certainly wouldn’t enjoy Dean sleep-snuggling him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean tried to calmly extricate himself without disturbing Cas. Of course, with Winchester luck being the way it was, that particular endeavor failed miserably, and Dean found himself staring into sleepily blinking blue eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean,” Cas said, his voice small. He sounded afraid, almost, of what Dean was going to say or do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cas,” Dean breathed out, every fiber of his being screaming at him to reach out and comfort the other man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t do that, of course. That was the last thing Cas would want him to do. Instead he awkwardly disentangled himself, fell out of bed with a loud thump, and scurried off to the bathroom with his tail between his legs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the bed, Cas barely resisted the urge to hide under the blankets and not come out, instead sitting up and swinging his feet over the edge of the mattress to rest on the floor. He sighed heavily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean was running away from him, putting distance between them, and it was no wonder. Dean knew that Cas was human, knew that Cas wasn’t useful to him anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without the benefit of his powers, there was nothing to keep Dean from cutting ties with him completely - something he’d known would happen if he ever told Dean that he loved him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas stood up and dressed awkwardly, struggling to keep his emotions at bay, then headed out into the main house in search of some food. He could chat with Sam over breakfast and figure out where he could start off his solo hunting career.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Jody is gonna sit these two dumbasses down and MAKE them talk soon</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jody's Mom Voice comes into play, and the two Dumbasses are powerless in the face of it. Issues are resolved... but poor Sam just can't get a moment's peace (lol)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Unfortunately, Castiel’s plans were thoroughly derailed by Jody, who cornered him, shoved a plate of breakfast into his hands, and chivvied him into the living room, where she pointed at a couch with such authority that he immediately obediently dropped down onto it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then Sam entered the room, dragging Dean by the scruff of the neck, and plopped him down. “Okay,” Jody said, her arms crossed. “Sam is gonna go back to sleep because he is tired, and I am going to sit right here in this armchair and </span>
  <em>
    <span>make </span>
  </em>
  <span>you two talk if it kills me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam trudged out of the room, obviously looking forward to more sleeping, and silence fell.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean, talk.” It was an order, no doubt about it, and Jody had even brought out the Mom Voice. Dean may have (barely) been able to resist the puppy dog eyes Sam had employed the day before, but he was powerless before the Mom Voice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He turned to Cas. “I hurt you so much so many times, and I’m sorry, and I understand that you really don’t want to be around me or put up with me and you hate that you have feelings for me, I really do understand, and I get it, but I can’t help having feelings for you too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good,” Jody said,  settling back into the chair and sipping her coffee. “Cas, talk.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t hate you, Dean, I could never hate you. I shouldn’t have said what I did, it was said in anger, and I know that I’m not useful to you anymore without my powers and I’ll leave, I swear I will.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Cas, no! I don’t want you to leave. I don;t like you because of your powers, I like you because- because you’re you. Because you take pictures of bird’s nests and read Enochian poetry and I just love </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Cas, no matter if you’re human or not.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas was shocked. “You- you do?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Y-yeah. I do. I love you, Cas. Please, please stay with me?” Dean was leaning forward on the edge of his seat, tension written in every line of muscle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- yeah. Okay. I- I love you too, Dean.” Cas struggled to get the words out, some small part of him still fearing Dean’s reaction, but he had nothing to be worried about. Dean reached out and drew him into a warm, solid hug, one hand rubbing Cas; back comfortingly and the other resting gently on the nape of his neck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas hugged him back, reveling in Dean’s closeness, in the security of his arms and the tenderness of his gaze.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jody, satisfied with a job well done, went to get herself some more coffee, and then she’d see about getting that Sam to open up to her a little bit about some of his problems, too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She had a feeling, after all, that Dean and Cas were about to disappear into their bedroom for the foreseeable future.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They’re fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>idiots,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Sam ranted, as she handed him another beer. “Do you see what I’ve been putting up with for literal years?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She settled in on the couch next to him, nodding in agreement and flicking the TV on so the game could play in the background. “Yeah. I gotta teach you how to pull the Mom Voice trick.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Seriously,” Sam said. “You gotta. I mean, Dean thought Cas hated him? That angel laid siege to Hell for him. He rebelled against Heaven and everything he’d ever known for him. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>literally </span>
  </em>
  <span>fought both Heaven and Hell just to save Dean.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jody hummed in agreement, stifling a chuckle. “And Cas actually thought Dean only kept him around for his powers. It’s like they’re looking at each other, but they don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>see</span>
  </em>
  <span>. So oblivious.” She shook her head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>how much eye-fucking those two were doing?” Sam asked, draining his fifth beer. “I was about to snap and murder them both so many times over the last few years and somehow they still never picked up on what they were doing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dumber than a box of rocks, both of ‘em,” Jody agreed, “But God help us, we love ‘em anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That we do,” Sam muttered, “And good thing too, or I’d have done something drastic to Dean he wouldn’t have liked instead of forcing them to pose as a married couple and hoping it would all work out.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stroke of genius, that,” Jody said. “Good job.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank fuck they finally figured it out,” Sam told her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>From above them, the distinct, rhythmic sound of a headboard thunking into a wall floated down into the room, and Sam buried his face in his hands with a whine, no doubt anticipating a future filled with desperate attempts to ignore his brother’s sex noises.</span>
</p>
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